East of Barbary

So it's been several months since I've last written. In that time I've had a lot of time to think about my life in general and my former relationship in particular. Rereading my raw posts I can't help but feel a twinge of angst about it all.

I do feel in many ways that something was stolen from me. It's like that cruel moment where someone rips a warm blanket from your sleeping body exposing you to a icy cold room. The shock is sudden and sharp.

Change is like that cold room and change has never come in small bites for me. My life is replete with moments of total and complete upheaval. This episode of universal karmic reordering included. Since February I've lost my job, my relationship, and 50 pounds.

Ok so I'm not grousing about the 50 pounds.

Experience has taught me it's best to embrace change, otherwise you get flattened in its wake. So the interregnum between posts has seen me let go of my former love, reconnect with the country and western dance scene, and an attempt at becoming a physically healthy person again.

This blog is a go at becoming a more emotionally healthy individual.

When I was a boy, I used to keep everything I felt bottled up inside me. So much so that at 15 my pediatrician diagnosed me with bleeding ulcers. This sweet dear man sat me down and told me "son, it's better to speak your mind then hold it all in. The only person who suffers when you don't speak up, ultimately is you".

It was a revelatory moment.

In the tradition of that childhood epiphany, I have decided to commit thought to digital diary as a way to make sense of all that has happened and obtain some kind of peace from it all. No goals, no metrics, no rules. A true attempt at free association.

So consider the first three pain burdened posts prelude to the story that really begins with this entry. I have begun to build a different life here in the outer rings of San Francisco's orbit.

I will find happiness again, and I'll do it here. East of Barbary.