Left Field

So I had sex today for the first time in two years. To a different man for the first time in 7 years. For some reason, I'm not wierded out by this.

I got most of my kid in a candy store issues settled in my 20's. Like most of my gay bretheren, denied the rites of passage that adolesence brings our straight counterparts, I indulged my carnal needs late. By the time I was 27 I was ready to settle down to hearth and home and promptly did so when my first husband arrived on the scene.

After the experience of a long term relationship, I realized I was so much better as a one man's man. Casual sex, while fun didn't really fit my persona. I wanted and needed to care for just one guy and to share the intimacy of sex with him alone.

So in the interregnum between husbands, I didn't have sex. Though the time between husbands was admittedly short. A scant 12 months.

As my present ex husband's and my relationship morphed into it's current incarnation, we didn't make love for 2 years. It was missed to be sure, but with work and school, there were other distractions to occupy the void. It was easy to settle into a sexless existance.

Well school is done, the job hunt has been fruitless, my ex is gone and the gym is just not enough of a distraction. I have been thinking about sex, and the lack of it in my life.

As well as my need for it.

For the past month or so, I've been chatting with this young man. Suffice to say, I'm old enough to be his father. The fact that I've even considered associating with someone so young should speak volumes about how my past prejudices towards younger gay men have changed. Since I came out I dated and had sex with exclusively men older than myself.

That changed today.

I found myself this past month the object of the affections of a younger man. I must admit, I was flattered and pleased by this development. It never occured to me, that I could and would eventually become the older man.

He was passionate, tender and loving. Holding him, kissing him, making love to him was an amazing experience. Not just for the physical connection, but the emotional one. Today I got to experience what my ex husbands must have felt with me that first time. It was a transformational moment for me, and I am grateful beyond words for the joy this young man brought me today.

I don't know if there will be more time spent with him or not. I hope there is for he is an amazing lover for one so young. More than that though his zeal today awoke my long sleeping passion.

I've missed that more then I realized.